Is it just me or is this story being dragged out more than the entire cast of Ru Paul’s Drag Race?
I’ve been watching How I Met Your Mother since the beginning; I’ve roared with laughter at Barney’s various ‘Suit Up’ quips, smiled fondly at said ‘Suit Up’ quips being recycled occasionally, and eventually got bored of the same ‘Suit Up’ quips that circulate endlessly around the How I Met Your Mother writing staff, who, at this stage, I imagine have all died of boredom while sneakily playing a tape recorded speel of themselves saying, ‘I Know! How about we write an episode about Marshall being tempted to sell out to corporatism but eventually opts to do the right thing. That’ll stun our audience of humourless trolls and others who have invested too much time in watching this show to give up now’.
I am in the latter group of poor, tired souls who don’t really care anymore. I don’t care about Barney and his scumbaggery towards the hapless prostitutes he entertains. I don’t care about Marshall and Lily and their annoying relationship of mutual support set against a backdrop of a Smashmouth album, a beer keg and other Americana that their host network really needs to pay the writers of American Pie royalties for unashamedly poaching. I don’t care about Robin, with her stupid gum-grin and her cries of ‘I hate children and marriage!’ which, if you listen closely enough, nearly disguise the sound of her uterus weeping. And above all else, I seriously don’t give a fuck about Ted (I have always found him intolerable), and his pretentious, needy existence. Anyone who can be summed up as ‘this generation’s Ross from Friends’ is a cunt in my book.
So now I’m hanging on with my immaculate fingernails (unbitten due to lack of suspense in the last four series’) to see how he finally meets the mother. My guess is that she isn’t Robin (he refers to her when conversing with his children as ‘Aunt Robin’, although this can be miraculously explained away by lots of How I Met Your Mother Conspiracy Theorists/The long-term unemployed, or any other the other 2-dimensional women he bores to death on his purposely-quirky dates. I think the mother will be a supercilious snob whose kookiness is the only thing that surpasses her clear intent to appear scatterbrained and ‘interesting’. Basically, Zooey Deschanel’s character in New Girl, but with a different name. Maybe- if the writers can be arsed.
Whoever she is, good luck to her. With all the forced fun to bear, she’ll need it.