From time to time, we all find ourselves feeling a little stressed out. When balancing work pressures, family life, academia, commitments, social life and hobbies, it is normal to feel stressed and unable to cope with the extensive schedules and huge expectations placed upon us today. If you are feeling tired, anxious, withdrawn, sad, or even physically ill, you may be living with stress.
But how do we get rid of these feelings? Unlike physical ailments, it is hard to recognise the need for treatment as symptoms are internal, and others around us cannot comprehend the urgency for change or recuperation, leading to many cases of chronic stress. In this case, there is a need to take yourself out of your current situation, re-evaluate your life, make changes, and start again– in an ideal world. Unfortunately, the majority of stress sufferers are unable to take this time out from their lives, and need time-efficient solutions to lower their stress levels. Here are a few ideas:
Drink Lots of Alcohol
Is it just a coincidence that most drunks are happy, fun types? And those who aren’t are just putting on a front to dissuade you from drinking, meaning more alcohol for them. Drinking an absolute bucketload of alcohol makes you a joy to be around, and your worries will melt away while you dance on a table like a big prostitute. Some people may even give you money to do this, helping you to save up for more alcohol. Remember- avoid a comedown by never ceasing to consume alcohol, as this will make you sad. And don’t worry about losing your job, house and kids, as homeless bums make excellent Christmas miracle stories in seasonal films- hello, new recession-proof career in Hollywood!
Get your Anger Out
Unleashing those demons can be a healthy move for those trying to cope with stress. However, the person (or situation) causing your stress is daunting enough to stress you out as it is- best not rock the boat by speaking to them. Therefore, take your anger out on loved ones or friends, who are probably really worried about you. Alleviate some of your guilt by telling them ‘they deserve it’ so they don’t realise that it’s all about you trying to drag them down to your own, pathetic level. They’ll probably start feeling shit about themselves, and your commitment to their wellbeing will help them be a better person. They’ll thank you later.
Talk About It
If you choose not to mentally abuse your loved ones, you could instead opt to let them in on the reasons you are feeling stressed. But as mentioned previously, it is difficult for others to empathise with a situation they cannot see for themselves, such as a physical ailment, unless they are a mental health professional. Therefore, it may be best to capture their attention with a punchy poem, song or rap about how you’re feeling (e.g. Worried about my mental health, Toyed with the idea of killing myself, Liked the idea of ending it all, But the kids need picked up from football etc. etc. ). Or if you aren’t musically minded, a nice spot of interpretive dance might do the trick.
Think More Positively
The power of positive thinking is grossly underestimated in today’s society- it can move mountains. Well, not really, but it’s pretty decent. For the majority of cases, stress is mind over matter and if you cannot take yourself out of a stressful situation, you can view it in a more positive light as an alternative. For example, if your job is stressing you out, think about your place of work burning to the ground while you laugh like an evil genuis in the car park. If your children are the problem, think about the point in their lives when they, like everyone else, realise that life is nothing but tattered dreams and broken promises. Bastards.
If you take responsibility for your stress, you effectively take back the power to change your feelings. You need to ask yourself what you did wrong, or better yet, ask others if they notice a pattern in your behaviour that always leads to the same feelings of stress (i.e. an inability to delegate or a constant need for attention). If you’re stressed about work, confront your boss off the clock so that you two have plenty of time to chat. Perhaps you could call to your boss’s house late at night with a baseball bat and start breaking windows while shouting, ‘What did I ever do to you?’ and weeping copiously. You’ll probably lose your job after this- two birds, one stone.
You’ll have all the time in the world to relax during your life sentence in prison.