Ten Things You Never Knew About… Beyonce

Beyonce Knowles took the world by storm as part of ho-quartet, Destiny’s Child, back in 1998 and has never looked back since. As famous for her curves as she is her singing talent, Beyonce is a music icon, and arguably the most famous woman of her generation. But what do we not know about the singing sensation that has dominated the music industry for the past decade? Here’s the lowdown, with ten things you never knew about Beyonce.

1. Beyonce Knowles was born in Stoke-on-Trent to parents, Destiny-Marie ‘Bike’ Brown and Wayne-Paul ‘Smackhead’ White. But the star didn’t stay in Stoke for long, as she was given up for adoption to a couple in Texas- in return, her birth parents got an undisclosed sum, the exact details of which are unknown but rumoured to be ‘some smack money and 100% of the proceeds for selling their story to Take A Break magazine when Beyonce hits the big time’.

2. Beyonce’s adoptive parents, Tina and Matthew Knowles raised their prized cash-cow in Texas, and honed the young star for fame as soon as she was out of nappies. ‘Beyonce was that girl in school who juggled a violin, art case and her P.E. kit as her parents were aspirational middle class-types,’ says a classmate. ‘We used to call her Poncey Beyonce, and then she’d cry in the toilets’. Good times.

3. Despite her strict unbringing, Beyonce is known to reminisce fondly about her childhood, saying that she and her father would enjoy some father-daughter bonding by standing on street-corners in downtown Dallas, Beyonce singing Motown hits and her father threatening that ‘Santa won’t come if you don’t hit the high notes’.

4. Beyonce’s mother is a highly-driven dressmaker, recently finding fame as Thelma Madine from Channel 4’s My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

5. Those big garish creations favoured by young brides of the travelling community aren’t the only people who enjoy Beyonce’s mothers talents, as Beyonce herself is usually wearing a Tina Knowles special. The two have even recently paired up to create House of Dereon, a clothing line aimed at people with too much money and not enough shame. ‘I don’t have the heart to tell my mother that her stuff looks a bit tacky,’ explains the star.

6. But Tina Knowles is thick-skinned, after Beyonce named the band that made her a star, Destiny’s Child, giving a nod to her birth mother. ‘Watching Shameless keeps me grounded’, she says.

7. Beyonce co-writes her own songs about real life experiences, most notably ‘Survivor’, about LaTavia Roberson and LaToya Luckett, who were in the original line-up of Destiny’s Child before leaving dramatically. Beyonce explains, ‘Aside from ‘Survivor’, I wrote songs called ‘I Hope You Have Fertility Problems Later On In Life’, ‘You Have B.O. And We Would All Laugh About It Behind Your Back’ and ‘I’ll Beat The Shit Out Of You With Your Motherfucking Weave The Next Time We Meet’ but none were as catchy as ‘Survivor’, so that got released. But those songs are all on the album ‘Slags, Slags, Slags’, so the fans can still enjoy them’.

8. Destiny’s Child’s fourth member, Kelly Rowland, has remained loyal to Beyonce, from the time when she was just a simple chimney sweep that lived in the Knowles’ servant quarters until now, where she lives in the eternal darkness of Beyonce’s shadow.

9. After Destiny’s Child officially disbanded after running out of ghetto-fabulous topics to sing about, Beyonce launched her solo career, taking the charts by storm with hits like ‘Crazy In Love’ and ‘Run the World (Girls)‘. But she lists her duet with embarrassing pain-in-the-arse Alexandra Burke as one of her career highlights. ‘I must have looked like one classy bastard next to that twat’, she muses.

10. Most recently, Beyonce has been hitting the headlines for the birth of her baby daughter, Blue Ivy, saying that she wants to concentrate on motherhood and family life for the forseeable future. ‘I want Blue Ivy to get to know her real grandparents, too’, says the star. ‘Destiny-Marie and Wayne-Paul have dotted on her since her birth, buying her a mini-Burberry hat, a pair of baby Nike Air max and a five-finger ring with the word’s ‘Main Baby Bastid’ diamante-encrusted across the top. Fabulous!’

Keep living the dream, Beyonce! Just watch your purse.

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