Tag Archives: goldfish

What Your Pet Says About You

Let's face it, if you die alone at home, they'll eventually eat your face off

Let’s face it, if you die alone at home, they’ll eventually eat your face off

With more than 50% of households owning a pet, our furry friends are truly every much a part of our family as those other cunts you’re related to. But what does your pet say about you? Which personality traits do you and other pet owners share, that made you drawn to chose your pet type in the first place? You’d be surprised at just how much your type of pet reveals about the type of person you are!

Here are just a few of common traits that pet owners possess:

Dog

Common Personality Trait: You frequently required, but did not avail of, the intervention of Social Services during your neglect-filled childhood

He can see it in your eyes.

He can see it in your eyes.

Cat

Common Personality Trait: You are very unappealing to the opposite sex

Snake

Common Personality Trait: You are the only person who thinks your man-ponytail is cool

Mouse

Common Personality Trait: That piss smell in your house is all on you

Goldfish

Common Personality Trait: You’ve had more rubber mattress-protectors that most other people have had hot dinners

Parrot

Common Personality Trait: The woman you’ve imprisoned in your basement is due any day now

Having the ability to talk is irrelevant when parrots don't have the heart to tell you to lose the 'tache

Having the ability to talk is irrelevant when parrots don’t have the heart to tell you to lose the ‘tache

Hamster

Common Personality Trait: You dream of also curling up into a little ball and having your cotton woll bed mop up your tears of loneliness

Iguana

Common Personality Trait: You own a few bits of Harley Davidson memorabilia, but no Harley Davidson

Turtle

Common Personality Trait: You think nothing of wearing a fleece with a few huskies scattered in a snowy forest depicted on it

And for all you owners of less common animal types…

Teacup Version of Any Breed of Animal

Common Personality Trait: You’ve never saw anything through to the end in your life

Ferret

Common Personality Trait: You’re below the poverty line

Helper Monkey

Common Personality Trait: You got yourself into this mess and it shouldn’t be up to the monkey to get you out

Terrifying

Terrifying

Ant Farm

Common Personality Trait: You often wonder what you’re going to do when your parents die and you can’t live in their garage anymore

So there you have it, folks- what your type of pet says about you. And if you’re reading this and shaking your head in disagreement at your own pet personality type, never fear- we are all thinking it behind your back either way.

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